Let the haters hate

On March 14th, 2014, posted in: Personal Development by 0 Comment

by Bela Khan

Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam had Abdullah Bin Ubaiy in life. He also had many other haters. It hurts to have haters, it’s human nature. But this hurt should not be powerful enough to stop us from living our purpose and pursuing our mission. Let the haters hate. Let the caravan go on.

I also had my days of struggle. During the early days of my transformation, where I was becoming a Muslim by choice for being Muslim by chance, I was scared of people. I confess. And this fear was overwhelming. I didn’t want people to hate me. You know, it is a powerful influencer, the fear of love loss. No one wants people to hate them and everyone is fearful of losing love.

Well, let’s face it. It has to happen at some point of life if you are pursuing the path of righteousness and carrying Prophetic mission forward. If you are on your quest of searching for the truth, then the truth is going to hurt. If you raise your voice to say what’s right, people will not like it. No one likes to hear that their way of life is not accurate or not in line with the divine guidance. Even the most misguided people think that they are leading an angelic life style. Prophet’s uncle, Abu Lahab loved him dearly. When he was born, Abu Lahab was overjoyed and freed his  slave-woman  who brought the news of Prophet’s sallallahu alayhi wasallam. birth. He was his (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) next door neighbor. Later, Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam married two of his daughters to two sons of Abu Lahab. So, you see they were so strongly bonded. It’s not easy to let go of the love when you are so strongly intertwined. But then the love transformed into animosity, the warmth of the emotions disappeared, the relationship got scarred and he started HATING the prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. He became his most stringent opponent and worst critic. Why? He didn’t want to hear the truth. He didn’t want to change. You see, no one likes being told that they are less than perfect.
But what did Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam do? Did he give up on his message because his dear uncle started hating him? No. He was not a people pleaser, and though it might have hurt to be hated and the fear of love loss would have been astounding, yet the hurt and the fear combined were not powerful enough to stop him from standing for what’s right and upholding Allah’s system.

Haters demoralize you. Every ounce of negativity they generate with their words or actions is very destructive for your morale and mission. The not-so-complicated formula to deal with them is to fix them, and if you can’t fix them then avoid them. Allah says in the Quran,

“Then, if they turn away, your duty (O Muhammad) is only to convey (the Message) in a clear way.” – 16:82

Avoid them? Yes, because your job is to convey the truth and not to make them accept it. Accountability rests with Allah.

“You are not the manager of their affairs” – 88:22

So, why is it important to let them go after giving them the message in the most clear and respectable way. And especially when these people are critical of your mission and your Dawah, it’s very important to avoid them at every cost. Why, you ask? That’s because negative people have deadly negative energy associated with them. Have you ever noticed that when some people call you, the mere sight of their “names” flashing on your mobile screen is enough to make you put your mobile on silent. This is their lethal negative energy. Even if you do your best to ignore their negativism (either in the form of words, actions or facial expressions), your subconscious mind records it all. It penetrates your thoughts even before you notice its impact. It’s suicidal to let too much of criticism enter your brain because if you do so, your subconscious mind will record the data. And every time you come across a difficult situation or you fail at something, the subconscious mind will bombard those images back on you (see, she told you, you are such a loser) and you’ll start to believe that your haters were right somewhere.

Let’s be very clear about one thing here. Throughout this article I am talking about an ill-intended criticism and not the constructive feedback that pushes you to become a better version of yourself. I am just focusing on the strategy of the haters that thrive on the opportunity of crushing you down, debilitate your self esteem, challenge your aspirations and bulldoze your personality. Their ultimate joy lies in the fact that they pull you down to their level. We live in a world where we are bombarded with negative images from all around us. Television, newspaper and social media are constantly broadcasting a never ending stream of nasty goings-on. We have enough repulsiveness already and we this gives us a better reason to avoid the negative people more.


When we are talking about the negative people and haters, it’s very important for me to introduce you to Brutus. Yes, the same well-trusted Shakespearean Brutus, who lovingly stabbed Caesar. Why am I bringing it here? That’s because it’s incumbent upon us to know that we are surrounded by a lot of Brutus-Es. It’s easier to recognize the negative people who are venting their negativity openly and are being malevolent but it’s very hard to recognize those who have pleasantly disguised themselves. These are the people who are actually stabbing us in our back. They will tell you that you are a loser and you can’t do it in such a pleasant way that you’ll never be able to identify their sinister intentions and believe all they say because – well, they all are your well-wishers after all. Actually, they are NOT. Their agenda is to discourage and demotivate you very subtly and slowly so that you may never find out what they are upto. I’ll give you a quick example from my life. When I wrote my research synopsis, my professor told me that if I really complete this research, it’s going to be a unique discovery and a great contribution. But then, I met some well-wishers who told me that it’s impossible to carry out this kind of research at my level. Usually, Ph.D. research work is that intense and detailed. “And you are getting married in a few months, what if you fail to complete it, you’ll fail M.Phil. altogether”. Scary enough. My guards were down and their trick worked. I ended M.Phil. with quite an insignificant research. So, these pathological critics are on a mission to give you a sugar-coated poison. Drink it and you are dead. Similarly, heed their advice and you are sabotaged. You’ll change your subjects, jobs, give up on Dawah mission or make similar stupid decisions in your life because a critic (who doesn’t have any credential himself) told you to do so. Don’t let them dictate your decisions. Don’t let them sit in the driving seat of your life. They are Brutus-es – who are stabbing you in your back. Watch out!


So what you need to do is to have enough courage not to let the nasty people and the Brutus-es come near you. You can never achieve any success in both the worlds if you have surrounded yourself with haters and naysayers.

And now, listen very closely, if you are a Da’ee working to uphold Allah’s system, you’ll see plenty of such people in your life.  Probably it’s also a part of Allah’s master plan to test us with these people. When you are doing Amar BilMaroof, most of the people will love you, but Nahee anil munkir is the real challenge. It’s when your loved one will become your enemy and your friends will become foes. As I said earlier, people hardly want to mend their ways. So they attack you to hide their shortcomings. “You know what, you should start doing Dawah when you are a perfect Muslim yourself.” “Oh, this is a temporary phase, it will go away”. “I’ll see how long are you going to carry yourself in Hijaab”. Let them blow their steam. Do not let them discourage you from your mission. Do not let them scare you. Allah SWT says,

So fear them not, but fear Me – 2:150

Are their own hands clean with what they are accusing you of? Are they living a life in perfect obedience to Allah and his messenger? Is their criticism worth being dignified with your attention? If the answer is NO, then say good-bye to the uninvited criticism and move on. Do what you are supposed to do. Carry out your mission and ignore them. Remember, Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam never dignified Abdullah Bin Ubaiy with his counter arguments. He never sought counsel from Abu Lahab. He never put an ear to the criticism of those who called him a poet or lunatic. He just did what he was supposed to do – spread the light. I remind myself and you to do the same, spread positivity and the negativity will take care of itself.


Stay tuned for my next article – What to do when the negative people are your dear ones?

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